Done - Tagged - Filled

I'm done.

Done with this basking, waiting, resting thing.

"God has two games that He really loves to play. The first is hide-and-go-seek. The second is tag. But He does it like this "TAG! You're it. Now go into the world."" (Pastor Landon)

I'm filled.

The amount of love, hope, joy, faith, passion, strength and power that was poured into me last night is way beyond the capacity of my heart and mind.

Which is why I'm done.

I can't sit here in silence and peace anymore.

I can't sit here and think back on the night and all that happened and thank God once again that it happened... And then sit here alone.

Even though it feels good. It even feels almost right. Doesn't it?
But then it would be simply an experience.

Seeking... And seeking... And He tagged me. He tagged US. Didn't He?

"TAG."

And the power that was transferred into me with that tag caused me to lose my balance and stagger backwards for a second. But they caught me, the leaders and pastors caught me. They took my arm and held me up when I couldn't hold myself and the weight of what I was being filled with at the same time. They held me while I lost myself and became something different.
They held me until I could sit and absorb it all.

I'm 'it'.

God plays tag differently than preschoolers do.

When He tags you, He doesn't run away to avoid being tagged back... Because the point of THIS game of tag isn't to tag Him back... But go run into the world.

"If I'm smeared in peanut butter and I give you a hug... What gets on you? Peanut butter."

I'm anointed in the Spirit. What happens to you when I come into contact with you?

So if it was really an encounter and I'm really transformed...

Then I need to be done sitting still.

I can't be transformed and keep it in my own heart.

I've been tagged. No one likes playing tag with someone who stops running when they get tagged.

I'm restless.

I'm it.

Isaiah 61

 1 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
    that have been devastated for generations.
5 Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
    foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 And you will be called priests of the Lord,
    you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
    and in their riches you will boast.
7 Instead of your shame
    you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
    you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
    and everlasting joy will be yours.
8 “For I, the Lord, love justice;
    I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
    and make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
    and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
    that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”
10 I delight greatly in the Lord;
    my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
    and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
    and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
    and praise spring up before all nations.

Springtime.

I love springtime. Spring is when life happens, and it's so exciting to watch.

Yeah. I know. It's September.

But one of my theme songs right now states that it's always like springtime.

I can definitely attest to that right now.

The weather outside is downright miserable. But my heart is screaming "SPRING".

Springtime is when things are awakened.

Springtime is when things come to life.

Springtime is when the snow melts and the rain washes away all the dirt and mud from the past months.

Spring is fresh and new.

And I think one of the reasons people get so excited about spring is because it's (In my opinion) the most dramatic season change.

The air just changes as soon as the calendar says "April"... Doesn't it?

People mark summer with the end of the school year, and fall with the start of the school year... Winter just... Happens.

But spring brings new motivation. The push you need to finish the year successfully. The push to live fully.

It's a new season.

Let's live in a constant spring. Constantly becoming new.

I am...

...Excited.

...Alive.

...Hungry.

...Thirsty.

...Desperate.

...Loved.

...Filled.

...Joyful.

...Hopeful.

...Free.

...Inspired.

...Thankful.

Aware.

I had a pressing question on my mind...

Why is it that when we are in a corporate worship setting, the level of engagement seems to follow the level of the music tempo or volume? The music is loud and exciting, and it's easy to get excited about how great God is and stuff... But when the music dies down... Why is it so easy to immediately lose focus?

In this case... Are we really worshiping God? Or are we worshiping a moment?

As a worship leader, I try to pick loud and exciting songs that will engage people. And music moves me more than anything else. I've heard God speak to me during worship. That's why this question has been bothering me.

Is it a maturity thing? To learn to be quiet during quiet moments?

Is it a mood thing? I've blogged about having dancing days and kneeling days.... (http://thestoryofmeandmyposse.blogspot.ca/2013/05/you-are-good.html)

Is it a lack of respect?

My mom said we need to have grace for other believers... But I wasn't thinking about how to tolerate it... I wanted to know what the problem was in the first place.

I found my answer in the bridge of a lovely song by Bryan and Katie Torwalt.

The words are, "Let us become more aware of Your presence. Let us experience the glory of Your goodness."

That's the problem, isn't it? We aren't aware enough.

The music is almost like a stepping stone. It makes it easier to feel something that's always there.
But we're so out of tune with the Spirit that when the noise fades, we snap out of the connection so quickly.

If we could all be more aware of God's presence at all times... Not just during exciting worship... I wonder what could happen.

I shared some of these thoughts with a pastor at Tehillah tonight, where God's presence was *so* apparent.

Driving home, my sister said, "I keep meaning to tell all those pastors that they changed my life..."

"But they didn't."

"I mean... Tehillah changed my life."

"Tehillah didn't do it either. See, pretty much what I told pastor Keith when I talked to him today was that I've experienced things at Tehillah that have changed my life, but Tehillah itself is nothing special."

"And what did he say to that?"

"He said that that was a great revelation and that I should teach people what I've discovered."

And so, especially to those who were at Tehillah tonight...
You spoke. You prophesied. You felt God move.

Tehillah was and is a stepping stone for you to have the words to say, the push to get you close enough to feel God... And sometimes we all need that step, that boost... Don't we? I do.

But God's presence? Is ALWAYS there, and always just as apparent when you press in to find it.

Don't walk away from an encounter and wait for the next time... Live in it. Speak. Prophesy.

Be aware.

Whatever you do.

Sometimes I worry about life.

Not in the sense a lot of high schoolers are worried about life... Not worried because of what career or college or university or job I want... Worried because...

If I died tomorrow - what did I accomplish? Or rather... What will I be remembered for?

I'm sixteen years old, and today is my second day of grade 12. I started kindergarten 2 weeks before my fifth birthday. So I've spent a lot of my short years doing school work.

During the last school year, I felt like school was my distraction. My distraction from God.

I mean, sure. Getting good grades in highschool can give me so many more opportunities in life... but.. At the same time... Gladys Alward was told by the missions organizations that she was "too stupid". And look what she did.

When I think what I want with my life, what I want to be remembered for... My prayer is the same one that my pastor prayed before and after his sermon on Sunday... "Let anything that is *me* fall to the wayside and be forgotten and all that is of You be remembered."

I want to be known for Jesus.

Close to the end of last year, when I was ready to give up on school... My mom pointed out a verse I had written on my white board (among many others)

It said "Whatever you do, work at with all your heart as if working for the Lord and not for men." (Colossians 3:23)

When I found school a lot harder than I expected, I wanted to give up. I felt like every minute I spent studying chemistry was a minute wasted that I could have spent doing something better... bigger.

And maybe it was.

But I also wasn't living out Colossians 3:23, was I?

Whatever you do.

Even if its stupid physics curriculum that won't help me anywhere in my life.

So, going into grade 12... I've got some schedules to try out. New time management ideas and studying strategies. And I'm gonna give it my all. Colossians 3:23.

And in saying that, my grade in math 30 isn't my highest priority, either.

I'd like to get 100% to show for my work.

But even with a failing grade, the character I'm planning on gaining will be greater.

Here I come, grade 12. Watch out.

Sometimes at 10:30pm

Sometimes I sit in my room at 10:30pm just listening to songs that make my heart pound and give me a nervous/excited feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Dangerous songs".

And I have no words of my own to add to these, I can just sit here with my hands and heart open. 

Trust without borders.

Maybe I'll write words later. Maybe not.

I'm feeling stuck.