Open Seas.

"I love the ocean. The water seems alive - its always moving... Going somewhere."

I always took the words, "when the oceans rage" to be negative. I've wrote about those words even. 

I always imagined being in a boat in the middle of the ocean when a storm stirs. 

It would be terrifying. You'd wonder if you would live, or if you would die in the water.

"I don't have to be afraid."

And then the other night, I listened to the worship team practice and a memory came to my mind.

I stood on a beach with my dad. We looked out over miles of sea, and he jokingly said that if I started swimming, my next stop would be Japan. Its not true, and he wasn't serious. But... There's not a ton of landmass between where we were and Japan. And I could - eventually - hit Japan. (Ha. Not swimming.)

How different the shores of British Columbia are from the shores of Japan. 

Different climate, different languages, different people...

I won't say which is nicer because I've never been to Japan - but I think they'd both be nice. 

So, imagine: 

You're in the middle of the ocean. And the wind blows and you're being carried somewhere. 

But then.

The tides and the winds change. And great, big, powerful waves are pulling you a different direction than you were going before. 

I don't have to be afraid... But I don't know where I'm going. 

It could be Japan and it could be British Columbia (not literally. At least - that I know of.) - and if I have a preference, I don't know what it is. I don't know where I'll end up... 

But no matter what direction I go - its new and unknown.

And when I realize that I'm not alone and that I don't have to be afraid... The raging seas and mystery of the winds and waters turn into an adventure rather than something to stress over.

I'm drawn to the song Shepherd my Amanda Cook. I feel like I could have written it.

"You will lift my head above the mighty waves,

You are able to keep me from stumbling,

and in my weakness, You are the strength that comes from within,

Good Shepherd of my soul, take my hand and lead me on..."

"You make my footsteps and my path secure so walking on water is just the beginning.

You are calling me to greater things."

Graduating is like being thrown into the middle of a raging sea - a raging sea that does not bring fear, only adventure and beautiful possibilities. Bring it on, world. I'm ready for you.

(39 days)

Questions for Jesus.

It's one of the classic Sunday School ice breaker questions.

"If you could ask God ONE THING and have it answered, what would it be?"

And we have a bunch of things we'd like answered.
From things like, "what makes the sky blue?" to,
"Why doesn't my voice sound like Kristine DiMarco's?" (Oh, I'm the only one?) to,
"Why did he have to die so young?"
"Why does she live her life in such constant pain?"
"Why did he hurt her (or me) like that?"
"Why didn't You speak to me when I felt lost?"

And they're all real questions that can only be answered by Him.
(Well, except the blue sky one. If you need some info, this website looked neat: http://www.sciencemadesimple.com/sky_blue.html)

I went to a hymn sing last week. Cute, right? I sat by myself and I think the next youngest person in the room was pastor Michael, but I was totally in my element. I was with my people. Just like my people are not divided by denomination, my people are also not divided by age.

Pastor Ken said this one thing that really stuck with me.

"People always say that when they get to Heaven they're going to have so many things to ask God. I don't want to pick any fights, but personally I don't think we'll have any questions on our minds when we get there. But we'll still be singing praises to Jesus."

Isn't that beautiful?

My heart longs for that - for all questions to be silenced.

Sometimes I have big questions. And sometimes they get answered. But sometimes they don't. And yeah, that's hard and confusing. But I'm learning to seek The Answer and not just "an answer."

What other answer would suffice?

Wave after Wave...

Its been a rough couple weeks. There's nothing big going on, so there's no reason for it to be especially rough.

You Make Me Brave by Amanda Cook has been on repeat, and the line that sticks out to me goes, 

"As Your love, wave after wave, crashes over me, crashes over me..."
And all I can do is pray for the next wave to hit.

See, ever since my personal revival (What you might know as "the summer/fall of 2012" haha) the deserts have been short and far in between... I've spent most of the past two years in some tropical rain forest where tsunamis are a regular occurrence and it rains nearly 24/7. His love, wave after wave of it... CRASHES over me.

I saw Noah the other week, and while it definitely wasn't very accurate, there were a few parts I liked.
I loved when Methuselah met the flood waters with open arms.

I've been waiting for the next wave to hit me with the force of flood waters.

My mentor described it as, "one of those times where God just seems to hide His face." I suppose its a faith builder, right? Since its impossible to please God without faith, I guess He can't be in our faces constantly.

Last Monday, I voiced some of my hearts desires and longings to one of my best friends. Things I wanted for my life and things I wanted to be able to do for others... Things I wanted to be, and things I wanted to accomplish...

And approximately 5 hours later, pastor Clay prophesied, prayed and spoke over me... Directly to some of the desires and longings I had voiced. But also... a direct echo of another prayer I received a year and a half ago. I want to say that I didn't need such an obvious confirmation... But I did. 

I emailed my mentor about is as soon as I got home and she said, 
"What a huge blessing and God affirmation....I love that He did this right during a time when you were having a harder time feeling Him. In light of what we talked about last discipleship....how tender and kind of our Father!! Sounds just like Him."


"It sounds just like Him." Doesn't it, though?

And His love, wave after wave... came crashing over me.

It was like God's voice was coming out of pastor Clay's mouth and He kept saying, "I see you. I know you. I love you."

"As Your love, in wave after wave, crashes over me, crashes over me...
You are for us, You are not against us.
Champion of Heaven, You made a way for all to enter in.
You make me brave.
You make me brave.
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves.
You make me brave.
You make me brave.
No fear can hinder now the promises You made." 

I think Amanda Cook is a kindred spirit. Her lyrics are always so... What I feel. 

Matthew chapter 5:14-16
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

My People.

I'll admit, I've struggled with where exactly to put this term in the past. 

I attend a Baptist church on Sundays and a Pentecostal church on Mondays... And for awhile, I would have easily told you that my people were the people of MTC. But those crazy people at Tehillah have become to close to my heart to be left out when I answer the question of where my home is. 

My people are the people who meet in the little white church a mere 10 minute walk (2.5 minute drive - seriously) from my house. 

But my people are also the charismatic congregation I find myself a part of every Monday. 

"To our God we lift up one voice, to our God we lift up one song... Alleluia."

These are my people. 

My people are not a denomination.

My people are people who just want to be like Jesus. 

My people sing of Grace.
My people love and are loved. 
My people are passionate, whether they raise their hands in worship or not.

I know a lot of people have weird feelings about other denominations... but we're all going after the same thing, even if a little differently, aren't we?

I am drawn to the passage in Matthew 6 about serving two masters.

I feel that, if everything was wrong except one denomination...

How could I attend both and love both?

Either Tehillah would repel me and I'd love Mckenzie Towne Church... Or Tehillah would draw me away from MTC.
If one was wrong, wouldn't one of these two things happen?

1 Corinthians 1:12-13

"One of you says, “I follow Paul”; another, “I follow Apollos”; another, “I follow Cephas[b]”; still another, “I follow Christ.”

13 Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized in the name of Paul?"

Jesus is my denomination, Jesus is perfect theology, and His people... All of them... Are my people.

These are my people.

Deeper Than My Feet Could Ever Wander...

This weekend was Tehillah extended. More will be coming from that later. Incredible things happened that I can't wait to write more about!

---------------------------------------

"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior..."

I guess I never really understood that line completely, but I sang it and prayed it because I knew I wanted it.
Where can my feet wander on their own? I don't even know! I don't know if I can simply wander into any relationship with God... I couldn't, could I? But if God wants to take me deeper, I want in!

Then it hit me...

I could wander into a church with exciting music and I could experience God there.
I could feel his presence and rededicate my life every alter call like I've watched so many people do... Yet I might not truly change.

I could rededicate my life every Friday at youth group and go out partying every Saturday and continue that cycle every week...

I could feel good about my experiences with God and truly believe I knew Him and that He was changing me...

But I'd be wandering. Not going anywhere in particular.

Do I want that? Do I want feel good experiences and to wander in and out? Is that good enough?

Or do I want to be truly changed?

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders...

Change me in real ways that I couldn't imagine on my own.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.

Sloppy, Wet, and Completely Foreseen.

Isn't that a lovely song? Or did you notice "that line"? The one the more conservative people falter at...

"So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us."

Isn't it beautiful, though? The imagery might be a little graphic for some, but it gives me shivers. Heaven didn't simply come and give earth a little peck on the cheek... It was a passionate messy exchange between lovers. Not a reserved display of affection leaving us unsatisfied and wanting more... but an abandoned display of reckless love leaving us no choice but to sing "Oh, how He loves us..." One that takes away every regret and shame and clothes us in acceptance and forgiveness.

There are alternate lyrics.

"So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss..."

I struggle with that. Because... Did it? The imagery is more benign, but it it true?

Was Jesus' coming really unforeseen? I find it harder to sing those alternate lyrics... Because that's the wonderful thing about the coming of Jesus. He was promised and prophesied. Over and over and over.
We were waiting, longing for and anticipating this kiss. It was a fulfillment of prophesy and a long awaited rescue. It was everything foreseen.

The only thing that was maybe unforeseen was the humble way in which He came.

But the passionate act of love and salvation, though undeserved, was promised and waited for. Like rain in the desert. Like the sun that melts the snow.

Thank you Jesus for the sloppy, wet, passionate, and promised kiss you placed on this earth.

Oh... How He loves us.

Remember that night?

An oldie drafts folder post... Written almost exactly a year ago, I think... Maybe closer to the end of April... And yes, I remember that night.

There's no place I would rather be.

Except... There is somewhere I'd rather be. Things I'd rather be doing. People I'd rather see.

I'd rather be at Tehillah, worshipping with people who feel like friends even though I've never met them.
I'd rather be at my friends' school, watching plays.

I'm sitting on my bed. Writing an essay. (Okay, fine, I'm taking a quick break from writing from my head to write from my heart. It'll do me good in the long run. haha)

But... I'm glad I'm here.

I'm watching a live stream of Tehillah online while I write. It's definitely not the same, but it's better than nothing. Pastor Clay said that tonight is the night we'll look back on and say, "remember that night?"

And he didn't just say it to the people physically at Tehillah, either. He said it can happen to anyone anywhere.

So it's going to happen for me. Here. Sitting on my bed, by my open window, with the sunlight streaming in my window and reflecting off my yellow walls bathing the room in a soft buttery glow.

There's no place I'd rather be.

Than here in Your love.

I love that. Not just "In Your love."

But HERE in Your love.

Because that's where I am. I'm in Your love. And that's why I can look back on tonight and say "remember that night?". Because tonight I'm overwhelmed with Love.

I'm listening now to Pastor Claire singing, "There is nowhere else I would rather be than completely and utterly surrounded by Your presence. In the middle of Your will, in the middle of Your truth, in the middle of Your love. Right here."

And I'm not there in that room- I'm here.

But that's where I am. In the middle of His will, truth and love. And nothing else seems to matter.