Dear Octavia

Hi, baby! You probably don't know me that well. Maybe we've never even met. I'm your oldest cousin.

You've been born into a broken family. Our grandparents have gotten a divorce, and our families in a way have also seemed to 'divorced' each other. It's sad.

But, we weren't always like this. I remember a time when Granny and Gramps still lived together and played music and laughed together, and all three of their daughters loved each other more than life itself.
It was during that time that most of my most treasured memories took place.
I want to tell you about those times, because I think that's how we really are. The big Sloan family. That's the real us - not this.

Imagine this: 21 children (You would have made it 22 *since the writing of this, I can add that my new brother coming this month would make it 23! The number was always growing!) all playing together. Quading, biking, playing ball, riding horses, fiddling, singing, building forts and running through the bush. All through the property you could hear laughs and shouts of joy - you could also hear native war calls and whistles that meant something in code. It was actually beautiful.

At some point in the afternoon, Auntie Jess would sound the car horn, and we would all race back to the house where a huge feast was prepared for us. Usually, there were a few kids still hanging around somewhere in the house who didn't come at the horn. They all came running when we started to sing the blessing over the food. "Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him above Ye heavenly host. Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen" The grandparents and aunties adding in beautiful harmonies. Because that's what it felt like. Harmony.

After lunch, Gramps would stand up and yell over the noise, "You know what I like to do after eating?! I like to make some music!!!" And everyone that knew how would pick up their violin, guitar, mando, piano, banjo, ukulele, drum, triangle or accordion. If you didn't have an instrument, that was ok... We would do a couple songs that the little kids liked to sing, or you would just clap along. Everyone was 'making a joyful noise'.
After we had exhausted most of our group repertoire, the Jespersens would play one or two of their newest tunes, and we would all applaud. Then the Fehlers would stand up and recite their newest poetry, and we would clap again. Then my family would perform a play (usually written by me) and the clapping would flare up again.
To finish the 'talent show', the moms would sing a song or two in their famous trio.
After that concert, everyone wandered away again to do what ever they pleased - friendly games of "take over the world" (risk) were popular after dinner because everyone was starting to get lazy and sleepy. Some of the kids would go out to the hot tub and the babies went to bed or downstairs to watch a movie. But when the sun started to set, we were all called back again for a snack and one of grampsies famous gopher stories before bed.

Maybe you're wondering why I'm telling you all of this. Its not to make you jealous or sad, but its because I love you.

As I write this, you're not even born yet. But the nine months you're spending inside have been the hardest nine months for our family.
You were inside during all the divorce that happened, so, I'm writing this to tell you about the good in our family. So you'll never have to look at us and think we're all bad, or all hatred. We're not.

We never stopped praying for you, when all the separation happened. We prayed for YOU specifically, every single day! Did you know that, baby?

I also wanted to tell you about our family because Sloan family gatherings were the happiest days of my life. I got 15 years worth of them, and I'm SO grateful, but you, baby, will never have any of what I had.
So that's why I wanted to give you this letter.  A happy image for you to hold onto in your heart when you think about us, the family you belong to.

xoxo,
Your Big Cousin
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Since the writing of this, lovely little Octavia was born. Today is her first birthday. I still haven't met her yet, but she's a beautiful little girl and I hope we get to know each other soon. I love you, little girl!