Cleanliness.

I'm a student nurse.

There's a lot of pretty strict rules we have to follow in the lab. One of which being that we can't have any visible tattoos. This rule isn't a problem for me, because I don't have any tattoos. But one girl in my foundations class has a full sleeve.

On the first day of labs, the instructor was going over the rules, "and does anyone here have tattoos?"

The girl shyly raises her hand. "Um, I have a sleeve..."

"And I don't care." The instructor says.

There's a flaw in the "no tattoo" rule that I noticed right away, but I was still a bit surprised when the instructor went over it, too.

If you have ink on your arms, which a ton of people do, when you cover your tattoos with long sleeved shirts, bandages, or whatever... You can't properly wash your hands.

Right?!

We're supposed to wash up to our elbows before touching a patient, yet if you have tattoos, they're supposed to be out of sight. Which restricts your hand washing.

Imagine all the bacteria and grossness your bandages and clothes would be covered in! Gross. I'd much rather have a tattooed doctor than a dirty doctor touching me, wouldn't you?

"I'm more concerned with your cleanliness than I am with your tattoos." My instructor said.

I think it's hilarious how so many people get so upset when people have visible tattoos.

In church, pastors (and congregation members) wear long sleeved shirts to cover tattoos, worried about offending someone. But why does church mean you shouldn't show your tattoos? It shouldn't matter, as long as you love Jesus.

"I'm more concerned with your cleanliness than I am with your tattoos."

Shouldn't that be our attitude?


So what if I said this post wasn't actually about tattoos? Cause its really not.

I don't think tattoos are wrong or sinful or "dirty"...

But pastors and church goers cover up - not just tattoos on their skin, but every sin you can possibly think of.

Why do we feel like we need to hide our dirty, defiled parts as soon as we step into a professional or religious setting?

Don't hide, just because you stepped into a church.

When you're hiding, you can't truly become clean.

Your "cover" gets filthy.

I'd rather have a tattooed doctor than a dirty doctor - I'd rather have a messed up, honest pastor who loves Jesus than a "clean on the surface" pastor who'd hiding his secrets. I'd rather have open friends than friends who hide. Wouldn't you?

I don't care if you have "tattoos". I don't care if you have issues or you're defiled somehow.  Aren't we all?
I'm more concerned with the inside than the surface value.
I'm more concerned with your cleanliness than I am with your tattoos.

I'm for You

Earlier this year before I graduated, I thought God was opening a door for me to go into ministry and pursue it as a vocation.  

At that time, I wasn't sure my biology grade was going to be high enough to get me into the nursing program I had been conditionally accepted to, and it seemed like all the right doors were opening and closing. It was so obvious, I thought.

And then God said no. 

But then my biology mark went up. 

And all the other doors started opening and closing.

Long story short, I'm now a nursing student. And loving every second. It was totally the right thing and everything has worked out so perfectly this far. He is faithful. 

Last night, I was at a worship night at my church and we sang "You are For Me" by Kari Jobe. 

Why is it sometimes so much easier to admit God's love and faithfulness to us than it is for us to say it back? 

I definitely don't think there's anything wrong with reminding ourselves of Him... "Well, of course He loves me despite my failures... He's *God*."

But at some point, we need to return the devotion. 

I came home from the church and left again to go pick up my sister from work. 

I get in the car and turn on the radio and Tobymac* is playing. 

*I would not classify myself as a Tobymac fan, but he does sometimes have really awesome themes and he loves Jesus. Loving Jesus is always a good thing.


"Whatever I've got to be, I'll be for You..."

On the first day of my program orientation, we were asked to make a list of three reasons why we were going into the program we chose. 
"And," the director told us, "hold onto this list. Not just for the next 16 months of your schooling, but for the rest of your life. Chances are, you'll still be a nurse in 30, 40, or even 50 years. Don't forget what made you want to do it when you first started."

And so, my notebook from that day contains my class schedule, my budget for the next season of life and schooling, and a page titled "Why I Want To Be A Nurse". Funny enough, the first one is ministry, the very thing I thought nursing school had taken from me. 

"1. Ministry. Being a nurse gives me the opportunity to speak into the lives of people who are at their weakest most vulnerable moments."

Pastor Tim has been speaking a series about "Divine Guidance" the past few weeks. 

He made one point that, maybe if we focused less on finding "God's will" for our lives and focused more on following His *ways*, we would naturally begin to do His will. 

At one point, I was so convinced that God's plan was for me to go into vocational ministry, I thought maybe there had been a "mess up". And my bio improvement was just because of studying habits and nothing to do with God's plan for me. 

There was no mistake. And if I would have failed biology and went into ministry, there would have been no mistake. And who knows, maybe I'll get my nursing licence and work my way through a couple theology courses. 
But God is God whether I'm a nurse or a pastor or ___.

God is God, and whatever I've gotta be, I'll be for Him. 

Deserving.

"I need to fall in love with Jesus again. 

The kind of love where nothing else matters. 

The kind of love where, if everyone I loved began to hate me, I could continue dancing because I. Am. Loved. 

I know I'm loved. 

I know know know know it in my very core.

And in the deepest part of me, I know nothing can touch me.

But there are layers above and around that little middle bit of me. 

Layers that make me bitter towards people and layers that make me jealous and layers that make me want... To be perfect.

And layers that are addicted to earning and deserving. 

Sometimes, I think I deserve love - or rather - actions and displays of love. 

Not always by any means, but sometimes, it feels like I do.

When I'm nice, they'll be nice back. Right?

There's a demon inside of me, and the layers are his home. He loves getting what he deserves, so long as he deserves affection. 

This little demon will create and say things to get approval.

And the approval is sweet.

He doesn't know that I'm always approved of. I'm always loved.

And the love that loves me always? Is never deserved.

But this little demon living inside of me doesn't care for the love that's given. 

He craves a love that's earned.

So he works in my mind. Convincing me to try harder, work faster... Earn, earn, earn.

And as long as I earn, we live at peace, my demon and me.

But when I fail...

"Disappointed."

He turns on me with a vengeance.

And, hungry, he begins to devour me. 

I need to fall in love with Jesus again.

The kind of love where nothing else matters.

The kind of love that casts out fear. 

The kind of love I don't need to earn. 

The kind of love that gives me the ability to truly love and be loved in return. "

Graduation Speech

As a homeschooler, my speech is going to be different from every other grad speech you've heard. You're welcome.

To achieve an Alberta diploma, every grade 12 student must graduate with a minimum of 100 credits that they earn throughout high school.

Social 30, English 30, Math 20, CALM, PE 10 and your choice of a 20 level science are mandatory. You make up the remanding credits with optional courses such as foods, languages, apprenticeships, physical education and the other sciences and math you need to pursue your college or university career.

Every graduate has those achievements in common. Whether you glided through every -1 course with a 98% average, or scraped by with 51% in -2, you have achieved Alberta Education's stamp of approval as a young adult ready to face the world with a well rounded education.

That thought terrifies me.

Not because I feel completely unequipped to not only handle, but change the world... but because I don't believe that the work put toward my certificate, is what equipped me.

You see, I believe that Alberta Education has made a mistake in their curriculum.

They go on and on about head knowledge when, in reality, the answer to any math problem, social studies question or biology definition is just a few clicks away.

Can you imagine how the provincial average would skyrocket is we were allowed to take all of our everyday resources into the exam room?

Alberta Ed forgets that the world changers don't have to be the people who can answer the most math facts with the greatest accuracy and, off the top of their heads, they might not know where Iodine is on the periodic table.

The world changers though, I believe, could find Iodine on the periodic table. Because they've been taught to try hard and would look until they found it.

Funny how the ability to find the answer isn't enough for the diploma markers, isn't it?

Now, I'm sure I learned things in school that will be valuable to me in the future, and you're all here to celebrate my graduation, but I can't say that the diploma is my biggest achievement from the past three years.

Because it's not.

Like Alberta Ed, I believe in head knowledge. I believe in knowing things and being able to say things from memory off the top of your head.

But I don't believe that the formulas I had to memorize for my exam yesterday should be our measure of success.

In the words of my great grandma Vance, "There's always Google for that." (You have to admit - that's pretty cool coming from an 86 year old)

But where do I go when my world crashes and my faith is shaken or I need to make a split-second life-altering decision?

Surely math 30 won't come to mind, and surely Google will be of little help. 

Shouldn't that be what I need to know to be deemed "ready to take on the world"? 

If I was to tell you the one thing I learned in my entire high school career?

My best piece of wisdom that I gained and can pass on?

I am loved.

1 Corinthians says that Love never fails, but where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 

I am loved with by a Love that is greater than life itself.

And if this is the case - then what of the question that high schoolers are so often faced with, "So what do YOU want to do with your life?"

Here's the deal: I want to go to college. I want to gain practical skills that I can use to support myself.

But I wouldn't go so far as to say that nursing is "what I want to do with my life."

Because - I have found a Love GREATER than life.

And anything I could "do with my life" pales in comparison.

So, what will I do, now that I have a certificate that could grant me acceptance into colleges and universities and into the "real world"?

Maybe I will go to college.

Maybe I'll start a career.

Maybe I'll speak and people will listen.

Maybe I'll teach.

But without love?

I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

So, yes. I'll do those things.

But what I'm planning on doing with my life is simple:

To be the salt and light Matthew 5 talks about and to be humble, patient, gentle and bearing with others in love.

And to anyone who's worried about me not being a homeschooler any more next year,

I just want to assure you – you can graduate the girl out of homeschool, but you can’t take the homeschooler out of the girl. 

Un-dumb

I shared this with my pastor the other week...
Maybe I'm brave enough to post it here now. haha
Also - I wasn't at YC this year... This is a session from last year. Yes, this post has been sitting waiting to be shared for a really long time. hahaha

-------------------------------------

When I looked through the session schedule for YC and saw, "Leading un-dumbed down worship for un-dumb teens", I felt like it was a session for me. So I went.

I believe in people - all people. And I don't think I went to this session to justify myself as a teen wanting more. I went to see if there was anything to apply to the next group down. Grades K-4 ish kinda people.

I hate the concept of kids being the "church of tomorrow". Does not the kingdom of God belong to them? Are they not the church of TODAY?

When I was in grade 6, a pastor looked me in the eye and said, "Youth are not just the church of tomorrow. You're the church of today." I've never forgotten that.

So, if this is the case. And kids (even young teens) are the church of today... Shouldn't we treat them as such?

Can you imagine if your pastor got up next Sunday and said, "Today, instead of me preaching and the band playing... Lets watch a movie with a good moral that kinda-sorta lines up with one of the ten commandments!"

Really?
That would be ridiculous.
Yet, how often is Sunday school simply that?

A couple months ago, I taught a lesson for Sunday school. I followed the script I was given fairly closely, adding a few little comments here and there...

I talked for almost 25 minutes and the script barely mentioned Jesus.

I wanted to scrap the lesson and sit down and talk from my heart. I could have even used the same theme! I could have found many scripture verses and practical stories to tell. I could have, and I'm sure many of the other Sunday school volunteers could have, too. So... Why the story about the marshmallow factory?

Are we really dumbing it down so much that the Sunday school lesson is barely a scratch on the surface of a Bible story? Because I think that's a pretty big problem. They're not bad stories, of course. There's always a good moral behind it... But shouldn't church challenge depth?

I know kids want more. Deserve so much more. I know because eight years ago, I was the kid who hated Sunday school. Well, I hated Sunday school until I got to Miss Rita's class. Miss Rita taught straight from the Bible and I learned in her class.

But to the Sunday school volunteer who tried to bribe me into class with the promise that, "We're watching a movie today! Won't that be fun?" Don't you understand that the movie is the very reason I didn't want to attend?

I was hungry. Kids are hungry.

One quote from that YC session stands out to me is,  "short attention span isn't always because of immaturity. Sometimes its because we're lacking in giving them anything to focus on."

True, a six year old might not benefit a whole bunch from an hour long sermon including long passages read from the pastor's KJV...

But I'm pretty sure we could do better than marshmallow factories.

From the Rooftops

Sometimes I wonder what in the world I'm doing with my social media.

See, I write on here, and then I share on facebook and I keep a link in my instagram bio. So... That leaves it up to my friends to choose to actually *read* anything I say. I'm not forcing anyone.

"Hey, I wrote this! Read... Or not... Up to you..."
I'm not aggressive.

Awhile ago, someone challenged me on singing a song claiming to "shout from the rooftops".

And I thought hard about it...

Here's the thing... I'm sitting next to my open window. I could push the screen out and sit on the roof and yell my little heart out. There - from the rooftops. Does that earn me the right to sing that song?

I don't think it would really do anything. I don't think anyone would think anything other than of my insanity.

But if you don't take it quite so literally...

Facebook is a rooftop.

It might be the most visible rooftop in the world.

"So, I shout out Your name, from the rooftops I proclaim that I am Yours."

I am Yours.

And maybe my little voice from my little rooftop gets drowned out by all the bigger, better voices coming from all the taller, flashier rooftops out there.

I'm continually thankful, especially these past couple weeks, that He, my King, uses what the world sees as foolish to shame the wise.

And He'll use my little voice and my little rooftop, too - somehow. :)

Open Seas.

"I love the ocean. The water seems alive - its always moving... Going somewhere."

I always took the words, "when the oceans rage" to be negative. I've wrote about those words even. 

I always imagined being in a boat in the middle of the ocean when a storm stirs. 

It would be terrifying. You'd wonder if you would live, or if you would die in the water.

"I don't have to be afraid."

And then the other night, I listened to the worship team practice and a memory came to my mind.

I stood on a beach with my dad. We looked out over miles of sea, and he jokingly said that if I started swimming, my next stop would be Japan. Its not true, and he wasn't serious. But... There's not a ton of landmass between where we were and Japan. And I could - eventually - hit Japan. (Ha. Not swimming.)

How different the shores of British Columbia are from the shores of Japan. 

Different climate, different languages, different people...

I won't say which is nicer because I've never been to Japan - but I think they'd both be nice. 

So, imagine: 

You're in the middle of the ocean. And the wind blows and you're being carried somewhere. 

But then.

The tides and the winds change. And great, big, powerful waves are pulling you a different direction than you were going before. 

I don't have to be afraid... But I don't know where I'm going. 

It could be Japan and it could be British Columbia (not literally. At least - that I know of.) - and if I have a preference, I don't know what it is. I don't know where I'll end up... 

But no matter what direction I go - its new and unknown.

And when I realize that I'm not alone and that I don't have to be afraid... The raging seas and mystery of the winds and waters turn into an adventure rather than something to stress over.

I'm drawn to the song Shepherd my Amanda Cook. I feel like I could have written it.

"You will lift my head above the mighty waves,

You are able to keep me from stumbling,

and in my weakness, You are the strength that comes from within,

Good Shepherd of my soul, take my hand and lead me on..."

"You make my footsteps and my path secure so walking on water is just the beginning.

You are calling me to greater things."

Graduating is like being thrown into the middle of a raging sea - a raging sea that does not bring fear, only adventure and beautiful possibilities. Bring it on, world. I'm ready for you.

(39 days)